we haven’t left yet

we were supposed to pedal away this morning for the start of our cross-country journey.  however, we’ve encountered some obstacles. 

on tuesday, we moved out of our apartment in dc.  it was the worst of all worst moving days.  i know all moving days are horrible and i feel like i say that it’s the worst every time but this one was actually the worst.  we were physically moving for 16 hours.  throughout those 16 hours, we were appalled by the amount of stuff we had accumulated.  we were humbled by our greed and attachments to these material possessions — what IS all this stuff?! and why are we moving it to seattle if we never use it?! 

i know i get attached to things because of the memories that go along with the items — memories of sitting in certain chairs drinking coffee out of certain mugs with certain people.  i love those happy thoughts that i think of later when sitting in the same chair.  but does it mean that i need to hold onto the chair/coffee mug/table/coaster?  if i no longer have those things, will i lose the memory as well?  i don’t think that’s how our brains function….. 

but how can we make sure to hold onto the most important memories and lessons and let go of what doesn’t matter? how do we carry the good stuff with us?  where is the balance between purging and hoarding?! because david and i definitely haven’t found it. 

so anyway, we had to shed some belongings that wouldn’t fit in our moving pods.  there was no time to prioritize really so we just had to let go of stuff.  and thinking back on those moments, i feel refreshed.  and i’m also thankful that our stuff can sit for 2+ months while we live happily without it.  i’m really excited to live for a while without all of our things.  i’m hoping we’ll learn a little bit about what is really important which will make shedding some more things in seattle a bit easier.  

also from those 16 hours of physical movement on tuesday, our bodies are achy, injured, and exhausted.  we needed more time to recover before enjoying any sort of bike ride.  we hurt all over but david’s knee is a specific concern.  it hurts him quite a lot to pedal a bike at the moment so that’s a bit of a problem for our planned journey.  we are using some of our built-in buffer time to rest and hope the issues resolve themselves.  we’re trying to be patient and not let the calendar dictate our schedule.  we’re taking it a day at a time.  

#ryansacrossamerica

race across america (raam) started today.  the participants of “the worlds toughest endurance bicycle race” have a maximum of 12 days to complete their 3000-mile journey from oceanside, california to annapolis, maryland.  that math works out to riding 250 miles a day (without any breaks to eat or sleep) — and that’s the slowest possible speed to make it before the deadline.  THAT’S INSANE.

some people think we’re insane.  but we’re not that insane.

in 15 days, i’ll be the stoker on the back of a tandem bike bound for seattle.  don’t know what those words mean or anything about tandem biking? we didn’t either until about march.  since the hatching of this plan almost 10 months ago, it has slowly come to fruition.  we’ve been doing tons of research (mostly david does the research and gives me the skimmed version) and gathering so so many things we didn’t know we needed.

the crucial step one in our plan was getting a tandem bike.  thanks to dave and rhona in keyser, west virginia (and a very rainy drive there on a tuesday night), we’ll be riding a 1998 cannondale los dos tandem (we’ve named her nina).  nina will be hauling two panniers and a trailer– we’re not exactly traveling in the most streamlined, aerodynamic fashion.  we’ve gone on group rides and practice solo rides and lots of kids stare at us and point when we pass.  with the trailer, our set-up is probably 20 feet long so it’s actually incredibly comical to see us biking down the streets of dc.  

instead of trying to make it across the country in 12 days like raam, we’re choosing to be homeless and jobless for 2 and a half months while we bike from washington, dc to seattle, washington.  we’re just biking there because we thought that’d be the most exciting way to get there.  when moving from one coast to the other, why not go by bike?!  better yet, why not go by tandem bike?

are we insane? maybe a tiny bit…..

here is our route (for the most part).  do you know anyone who lives on or near it?  do they want to let us shower at their house or bring us lunch/dinner/a beer?  we would love to meet them.

we’ve already met so many interesting and inspiring people on this journey and we haven’t even left dc yet.  we’re excited to spend time in parts of the country we’ve never seen and learn how to be comfortable with strangers in unfamiliar places.  we’re excited to be very much outside of our comfort zones (mentally and physically) and reliant on the generosity and compassion of others.

we (mostly me) will be updating as much as possible along the way — keep tabs on us and our progress!

xx

shaping young minds….into what?

i’ve discovered these thoughts from september and am curious about why i never posted them.  my only logical idea is that i wanted to give myself some time to cool off and reread my public venting…. it would make sense, then, that they never got posted.  none of my emotional energy regarding school has cooled off since september.  if anything, i’ve spent the 6 months since then getting more and more fired up

—————————————

after a wretched day of school i came home and pounded down the capital crescent trail for 7 miles while gritting my teeth. the silver lining of work stress is that my pace has picked up (thankful for marathon training?).

for the past 4 weeks, my new class of students has been disrespectful without a care for consequences. they seem to have no regard for authority and don’t even care about how they treat each other nor how they are treated in return.

i was somewhat prepared for this. i work in a title 1 school with a student population that is notoriously low in academics. the families of our students, while very kind, always have a hard time supporting their children as few of them speak english and the vast majority are recent immigrants. many of my students had an ineffective teacher last year (an evaluation score that is actually quite difficult to obtain) which means they’ve had no routines, procedures, rules, consequences or the like for an entire school year. these students also have learned very little since 2nd grade.

but even those students who had great teachers last year are SO BAD. and it’s been 4 weeks and there has been little improvement. i have been thrown head-first into a very steep uphill battle of convincing them to follow my directions.

yesterday, as i pounded out those 7 miles, i was so frustrated for these kids. how have they been served by their school in the past 4 years of their schooling life? we fly through lessons in enough time for the information to barely be absorbed by their eyeballs before moving onto activities in “higher level thinking skills” and they don’t know 8 x 3. of course, higher-level thinking skills are crucial for success in today’s world but the success of these 4th graders will be measured by the results of standardized tests with answer options of A, B, C, D.

they will never be able to apply higher-level thinking skills (or regular-level thinking skills, for that matter) if they don’t have time management skills, responsible work habits, study skills, or problem solving abilities. and they’ll never ever get a job if they don’t have some sort of character education (especially this bunch).  however, these skills are not factored into the elementary curriculum in any sort of significant way.

at this point in my mental venting, i always think of my sister and the way she says to me, “ahhhh, liz. you’re just shaping young minds, aren’t you?” and i get terrified for the ways i am shaping them. as the teacher who is forced to follow the rules of high-stakes testing and “i can statements” and putting learning into neat, little easy-to-evaluate boxes, i’m creating stressed out students afraid of but doomed to failure.

i want to help young students become the adults that i want to live life alongside.  one day, these kids will be our neighbors, coworkers, community members and leaders.  in this moment, that terrifies me for this world.

———

and now, in march, i have the exact.same.frustrations.

so what do i do? i feel helpless.  when i teach “testing as a genre” in reading and i go over and over and over the best strategies for answering standardized test questions, my students’ scores go up a little bit.  and i am commended! way to go! when i work with the “bubble students” who are only one or two questions away from getting a passing score, i am commended! way to go! you got the most bang for your buck! nevermind the 5 students in my class still scoring 30% and below.  no one talks about them in meetings.

the straightjacket is tightening around me as i get knocks on my evaluation score for doing things outside of the neat, little easy-to-evaluate boxes that the district operates within.  when i introduce a “class compliments” chart that causes my reading lesson to start 10 minutes late, i get a slap on the hand.  when i choose to have a doctor’s appointment during a professional development meeting instead of missing instructional time with my students, i get a reprimanding phone call from the principal.  am i the only one who thinks these things are BACKWARDS?!

i could go on. and on. and on. and on……………….

but i won’t (for now).

the end of my silence.

this guy, clint smith, is basically my hero. i just saw his 4-minute-long TED talk today and am even more encouraged for my school year and well, life.

he talks about the danger of silence in this world and how powerful it can be to use our voices. the quote from martin luther king, jr. rings so true in my ears, “in the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

i feel like only recently i have ended a silence of my own. as a 27-year old newly married young woman who still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up, i only recently have felt like i could speak up for things i value, believe in, and want for my life.

in the past, i’ve spent a lot of time listening to culture, society, and voices from other people and unknowingly internalizing them. because of this unintentional internalization, i’ve carefully quieted my own voice. i’ve told a lot of people what they wanted to hear or what i was “supposed to say” instead of what was really in my heart and mind. in a sense, i’ve been living a secret life full of passion and wild hopes and dreams. that passion and those hopes and dreams aren’t crowd-pleasers, so i’ve kept them hush-hush.

thanks to encouragement from my husband and good friends (and clint smith), from now on, i’ll fill conversations with my voice. the candy-coated voice of silent, crowd-pleasing comments is no more.

inspiration for the looming school year

i’m dreading this school year. today is my last monday before work starts again and i’m trying to enjoy it – to enjoy the free time, the sunshine, the ability to sleep later than 5am and to go to yoga in the middle of the day. however, all i’m finding myself doing is sitting in my favorite coffee shop dreading next week and the 10 months that will follow.

over the last school year, while a million things were going on in my personal life (marriage-planning), i became really frustrated with teaching. i was frustrated that despite how hard or long i worked, it wasn’t enough. some students weren’t getting what they needed from me or from the school. despite major classroom successes, students still failed standardized tests which means they failed in the eyes of many. i became frustrated at the patronizing way other professionals spoke to me and about other teachers. despite the fact that almost every successful member of society has gotten an education, teachers are not respected as professionals. the saying, “those who can’t do, teach,” still exists! although i make a decent living, i am not compensated for any overtime that is required to complete the countless tasks assigned to me by administration. although i loved my students, i felt i couldn’t give them the education they needed without making it my life. teaching is my job. how many other jobs essentially require a 100% emotional commitment and a variable-but-mostly-extreme time commitment?

like i said, i was frustrated.

why aren’t teachers supported more? emotionally? professionally? personally? why are schools set up the way they are? why are requirements placed upon students that don’t seem to make sense? why are regulations enforced that absolutely do not help children make it through the day (can you sit at a desk all day with only a 15 minute “recess” to stretch your legs? i know i can’t). google wasn’t giving me answers. at least not ones that i could uncover during my very fleeting free time. i wanted to know about education policy. why is education the way it is?! how come it’s so messed up!?

i applied to masters degree programs in education policy. i got into a bunch. i decided to go to one in seattle (remember the plan to bike there next summer?). but instead of going this fall, i got married this year. in order to learn how to be married well, we’re postponing the cross-country move.

which means i get to teach for another year. in the same grade in the same school and with (mostly) the same coworkers. these are all beginning of the year joys! but i’m still dreading it. i am really dreading all that frustration.

in cleaning out old blog drafts, i came across an espn article that piqued my interest last summer. in 2009, two tv producers told the story of two high school wrestlers’ extraordinary journey in cleveland, ohio. while filming the story, one of the producers built a strong bond with both boys and kept returning to help them hold pieces of their lives together. eventually, she helped them reach their ultimate goals. the boys continuously asked her, “why did you stay?” her response was, “i stayed because we can change the world only when we enter into another’s world.”

for this coming year, i could have switched jobs. i could have quit teaching and worked at a coffee shop while getting certified to teach yoga (another long-hidden secret dream goal of mine). i could have gotten a job in education policy pre-grad school – this is dc, after all! i could have done a zillion other things. but i stayed at my title 1 school with my students who need more than they can give.

i stayed because i know that i can change the world when i change one person’s world.

i think a little bit of why i became a teacher was so that i could change the world. and before i got all frustrated with the bureaucracy of it, i felt like i was a little bit. so while i’m still a teacher within this broken education system, i’ll do my best to change one person’s world.

i just needed the reminder today.

monsieur lazhar

i just saw an excellent movie, monsieur lazhar.  it was one of the 5 films nominated for the “best foreign film” academy award and was showing at the national geographic theater in DC.  the plot chronicles a classroom in montreal as an algerian immigrant takes over after the teacher dies tragically.  the story is inspiring and heartbreaking at the same time while the new teacher, monsieur lazhar, works to figure out the students and school and the students cope with their immense grief.  

to all you non-teachers out there, it accurately shows how a teacher is never 100% off work; the kids are always on our minds.  

check it out! and watch to see if it wins the oscar on sunday!

reentry.

i’m alive.  yes, i’ve been MIA from the blogosphere for quite some time now (i believe my last post was in october? oops), but i’m back now.  i’ve just settled into an apartment in the ballston area of arlington, va with a lovely view of interstate 66 and i start teaching 3rd grade full-time on monday.  yes, as my sister says, i’m becoming a grown-up lady (sort of).

i got back from italy in late july, 2011 and have been flitting about the globe (of course) since.  i visited some friends in new york, california and then i took a road trip through alaska and canada.  in early october, i embarked upon an epic southeast asia adventure with longtime friend, A.  i was gallivanting 12 time zones away for 6 weeks and returned just before thanksgiving.  

and i’ve been in the states ever since.  that means i’ve been in america for 62 whole days – the longest period of time without leaving the country in about a year and half.  and oh man, am i still adjusting.  here is a short list of some things i haven’t quite gotten used to again in the past 62 days.

my iPhone: in italy, i had a cell phone.  but only about 10 people had my number and i worked with all of them which meant there were very few reasons to actually call or message me.  that communication situation is drastically different than my current situation where my sister sends novels via text message (complete with pictures) and my mom likes to talk on the phone once a day.  apologies abound because i’m just not used to people calling me!  also, when i do use it, my usage skills are mediocre at best.  i’m almost certain that it doesn’t reach its full potential.  i did have an ipod touch in my travels last year that i used quite well but something about adding the telephone capabilities have blown my mind.  i DO, however, have a neon yellow case for my phone, which makes me love it.

grocery stores: now, i love the grocery store.  i usually take a list with me but don’t consult it very often because i love to go up and down every aisle and check out the selection.  when it comes to actually putting something in my basket, however, the anxiety sets in.  WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OPTIONS?! i’ve started reading the ingredients in everything for comparative purposes, thus, adding to the amount of time i need on each aisle.  and it doesn’t really help me choose what to buy because almost all the labels include some chemically-sounding something that i have never heard of and couldn’t try to pronounce if i wanted to.  do i really want to eat that?! so i usually end up choosing something that i’m less-than-thrilled about consuming and then i’m just unhappy.  now you’re probably wondering how i have time to go through this process every time i need to buy some food.  i don’t!! and i’m rarely completely satisfied with something i’ve bought, so it’s not like i have go-to items that i can run in and grab.  i just don’t know what to eat anymore.  for the record, comparable anxiety hits me in similar stores such as CVS, walmart, and target. it’s awful (anecdotal tangent: my first day back in america last july, i was in target trying to buy shampoo.  i left the store in tears – and without shampoo – because i got so stressed out.  very traumatic).   

driving: i’m not totally sure what the problem is here but i know that i didn’t used to dislike driving as much as i do now.  i’ve told you before that driving is not my preferred method of long-distance travel, but now i just don’t like it ever.  i’m annoyed by needing to drive my car anywhere.  if i’m going somewhere close-ish, i want to walk; but people don’t do that here – everyone drives everywhere.  it’s nonsense.  this is more a cause of annoyance than something i’m not good at (not to say i’m an excellent driver, let’s be serious).

in the coming weeks, as i’m continuing to adjust to life in america (and so close to the nation’s capital!) and settling into my pseudo-grown-up-lady life, i’m going to be updating this here blog with things i left out of my travels last fall and even last year while i was in europe.  it will be all kinds of nostalgic to reminisce about travels and life last year especially as the weather here is so, well, january.

so, get excited because it’s going to be fun!

x

next up in the life of liz: fall 2011

when i typed the title of this post, i initially typed “2010.” that’s wrong.  it’s 2011 and really almost 2012.  when did that happen?! it really is true what they say, “time flies when you’re having fun.”  as my sister said the other day, “how much faster is it going to go when we’re OLD?!”  i’m not sure how the acceleration of time with age works, but i don’t want to waste any of my 20s trying to figure it out — i know i need to enjoy it while i can; i only have one life. 

so what am i going to do with these epic years of mine, you ask? what have i been up to since my grand return to america at the end of july?  well, besides spending lots of quality time with all those people i missed last year, i’ve got some pretty sweet plans in the works.  i won’t give away all of my hopes and dreams because, you know, i don’t want to jinx anything.  but i will give you a high-quality preview. 

(an extended) labor day weekend: new york city! people i can’t wait to see include: my long-lost ladybird, IST ex-coworkers who are educating the new york city youth at a charter school in brooklyn, J, who will absolutely be my first famous friend with her sure-to-be-rapidly-approaching broadway musical debut,  some sisters (a fellow ginger and twin b), my favorite princess (who’s engaged!!), and many others.  i’ll be there for pretty much a week and who knows, at that point the city may have sucked me in and i might never leave. 

if i do make it out, 

september 8th – 11th: dc/northern virginia!  again, so many of my favorite people live densely packed into this small area that i just hope i get a chance to see them all.  concrete plans so far include hanging out with V and her family; i have been suffering without my roommate/coworker/travel partner/friend since she left me in trieste on july 11th.  i’ll get to see her as cheerleading coach in-action and i’m hoping her dad will cook us some delicious puerto rican food.  or maybe we’ll make italian food?  we’ll probably eat a lot; it will be delicious. 

later in september: a weekend in charlottesville for some other liz time (which will surely include a “cville highlights” journey before she leaves for oxford) and some concerts with friends and the family, some days at the beach (which days are yet to be determined), and then! an unprecedented alaska/canada/other places road trip adventure.  no, i have no idea what i’ve gotten myself into but i’m excited. 

other goals: i’ve been told i’d like chicago and seattle.  i also have some friends who are out of the country in some pretty cool spots that i might need to visit….

stay tuned for updates! 

x!